Applying for a PhD Isn’t a Straight Line (Even When the Website Says It Is)
I’ll start with this - Applying for an Addictions PhD at KCL was definitely not the tidy, linear process the webpages would have you think. It was a lot of work. Right now, while I am not walking into the sunset with a “I’m accepted", I am pleased to report I am on the other side of the application process with some reflections.
So, how did I get here?
After finishing my BSc in Biology in October 2024, my research project focused on sex differences in addictions, virtual Pavlovian tasks and National Drug Treatment and Monitoring system data. I was still missing two final pieces that scared me the most. One, I really wanted to do a PhD straight off the BSc bat, but I knew none of my project ideas back then were strong enough and my academic ability in terms of writing a PhD proposal was not where it needed to be yet. I didn’t really know what a systematic review was for a start. And 2, my frontline experience was not where I wanted it to be yet either.
I wanted to understand people who use substances' recovery journey from prisons into the community drug and alcohol services, which wasn’t just based on my own family's experience. I had done Through The Gate work and local services recovery work. But not yet prisons, and so I applied and got to work while I figured out what was next. To clarify, it wasn’t about people in prison at all and any fears associated with that; the fear came from confronting the traumatic experiences of my own mum being in prison growing up, and all that entails, and whether mentally I was up to it – I digress; my drug and alcohol service adventure in prisons is probably a post for another time.
And so we fast forward, I did prisons for just under a year, and I subsequently started my MSc in Addictions full-time in September 2025 at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology and Neuroscience (IoPPN) at Denmark Hill campus with King’s College London. Hopefully, I will get inspired and find that PhD project idea. I was funded by not 1, but 2 scholarships: one from KCL IOPPN and the other from the Society for the Study of Addiction, both of which I am extremely grateful to have received. I saved for months for the course deposit, as the course fees are extremely high and not covered by the student finance loan. A bursary and a scholarship still didn’t cover the course fees. This was my first alarm bell on whether academia was for me – I was priced out before I even applied. Could I even afford it?
While a master's is not necessary to do a PhD, it has humbled me. I didn’t go in arrogant, but I had a vast amount of interest and training I had taken in front-line drug and alcohol services. But, there was so much I didn’t know that would excite and inspire me in this course, skills I could hone. I had hoped a Master's in addictions at KCL would also help me get the methodological rigour, network and opportunities to place myself better for research in the future, to immerse myself in the subject rather than taking a ‘gap’ year. And it has, more than I expected it to!
To date, I have contributed to a review using AI about the pregnancy pathways for women who use drugs where I will be a co-author, and I am currently laying the foundations for my dissertation's systematic review on continuity of care for people in prison on opioid treatment. I have just finished the lectures for the President's Global Leadership Award, which is a bit of a side quest, really, but has given me so much in my day-to-day life and writing with some reimaginings around continuity of care, which I will share here soon. It has been fun linking leadership theory to communications, history and reflecting on my own practices in the management of drug and alcohol services.
But what to do for a PhD?
The idea for my PhD didn’t start in academia. It didn’t come to me in my Master's like I thought it would either. The SSA healthcare goals scheme was launched, and I still didn’t have a PhD project. And so, I was actually sitting at home, about to stick an audiobook or podcast on to think of the “what next” PhD ideas, some sort of inspiration – because you know, every moment must be intellectually productive… And then, I decided not to.
I was going to sit with the silence for a bit, reflect and be still, something I hadn’t done for a long time. When I was younger, before phones and touch screens and rent, I would journal by hand most nights. I find now there is just this overwhelming saturation of thoughts, and drive to be as productive as possible, and for me, feeding my brain with as much information so that a project idea would come, stat. My notes app on my phone crammed with things from poetry to ideas and anime lists. There was no amount of information I had shoved in and integrated before and during my Master's that had got me a PhD thesis idea, nor one that directly responded to the scheme I wanted to apply for.
So there I was, sitting and reflecting on a sunny afternoon in November 2025. And then it came. The idea was a fusion of years of frontline work in addiction services and observations of the fragmented systems, which undermine continuity of care. I was taken back to a discussion about casenote duplication with a coworker at Downview, “There must be a better way”, and my promise to find it. My passion has always been improving systems, and I have had an interest in digital health. I saw clinicians and recovery workers duplicating work across incompatible digital systems, service users repeating traumatic histories, and risk management becoming diluted by administrative burden rather than strengthened by it.
There has to be a better way
I knew I wanted to do a PhD; of course, I wanted it to be a project that made an impact, like any millennial, but now I knew what I wanted to do it on. The scheme I wanted to apply to opened in November, and this came just in time for me to get the funding application AND the university application together for the mid-January deadline.
Turning a research question into a doctoral proposal was a process of crippling imposter syndrome. I needed to translate lived and professional experience into something that was potentially fundable, theoretically grounded, and methodologically sound.
But I don’t come from any of this.
I had a great idea, but I did not realise how detailed a project plan needed to be from my initial one-page concept; I did not realise I would need to meet senior stakeholders (so intimidating) to discuss whether it was even doable. I didn’t have a clue, and this became more apparent as I went on. Feelings like “I don’t belong here” surfaced every time I had an avalanche of feedback to get through to improve my proposal. And if it was going to happen and get done, I needed to believe in it and myself. Everything I have gone through to get here has a place; it has to.
And I just want to say for anyone thinking of applying, don’t be put off; this is all (somewhat) completely normal. You are writing a doctoral-level proposal without having one, and when applications open at the start of your MSc, if you are full-time, many deadlines fall right in the middle of the exam period and holidays. And if you have caring responsibilities? It’s pretty crap.
After identifying supervisors for my project, they didn’t just approve ideas; quite the contrary, they challenged me, kept it real with me, reshaped them, and protected both them and me from becoming too big, vague, or personal. I also had to let go when my vision was too unrealistic for the PhD timeframe. Some days, I would get an email with feedback and at times need to mull it over for a day(s). Do I really want to do this?
Does a mixed Croydon mother who spent much of her years on an estate, in care, moving around or in hospitality belong in academia?
Throughout the application process, I was completing MSc exams in psychopharmacology and research methods, writing an SPSS report, and navigating grant applications - while parenting. There were definitely moments where it all felt like it was too much and that I began to fail in other areas of my life. I wasn’t. But I was carefully balancing and plotting. Nothing seems good enough when you are in the thick of it and not the smartest person in the room. I remember getting an email one morning from supervisors saying I needed a full grant application in 4 hours or none of it was happening - a week earlier than expected. At the time, I was looking after four under-7s during half-term on my own, and my gran wanted to visit. A lot of deodorant was used that day. But I got it done. Deadlines you didn’t know about, where the university may want something earlier than the official deadline for internal purposes, aren’t on the course page and can really take you by surprise; ask about them.
Applying for grant funding made this even clearer. Unfortunately, funding bodies are extremely competitive; they don’t fund passion; they fund structure, strong methods, justification, and trajectory. One of my first pieces of feedback outside of the university from another professor was debilitating; it was literally a “who, why, what, where" at the whole thing, unspecific and laced with stigma. That destroyed me before any supervisor feedback could, but I needed to face it. People who love you and know you, yes, get them to proof and feedback, and try their best to understand it, but they aren’t specialists in your field. While your writing ability and idea may be great, your plan probably isn’t on the first go. People who read your work want to know not just what you will do but what comes next if it works, and also why it still matters if it doesn’t happen.
What I’ve learned is that doctoral research, at least in applied public health and addiction science, isn’t about having the perfect idea. It’s about being able to persist, respond to critique, and keep refining something until it becomes both meaningful and possible.
I’ve submitted the application now and am trying not to refresh my inbox hourly. Whether or not it’s funded is out of my hands now. I might not get it and will have to face what will initially feel like failure. And remind myself - the process itself has already shaped how I think about research, systems, and change. It also helped me ace my research methods exam, losing only one mark, so either way I’ve won, and I have gained so much.
And that is enough.
Update: 22 April 2026
I received the funding outcome today. I wasn't selected for funding. Still awaiting news on place.
I'm devastated. But I meant every word above – and the work continues.
Rejection has got to motivate you.
Comment on anything you would like to know about my experience. Have you ever applied for a PhD or similar? What was your experience - did you get your place and funding on your first go?
